Take Me To Church Parody - Take Me To Lunch

I had the three choruses planned out perfectly for 5+ years. I finally sat down and constructed the verses or day. Originally, all three verses were going to be the same; they were going to be the lunch version (hence the name) because that's the one I thought of first. I eventually decided to do three different choruses with three different meal courses. The first verse consists of snippets from before meal prayers I found online. I always had that idea because the first verse in the original end with Amen three times. So I wanted prayers which also end the same. I know Hozier says Amen only three times, but four fits.

Original: Take Me To Church by Hozier https://youtu.be/NGNk6u_kLsosi=p7UdN1QE1m2ijzHC

Take Me To Lunch

Thank you Lord for this food

That we are about to receive

May it nourish our bodies

And may it strengthen our spirits

We thank You for this food

And for those who have prepared it

God is good, and God is great

And we thank Him for our food

By His holy hand

We are all fed

Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts

Which we are about to receive

Bless our bodies, bless this food

And bless the hands that have prepared it

We give thanks for all we receive

In all things we pray

Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen

Take me to brunch

I'll slobber like a dog at the sight of your grits

Go ahead and mix in my eggs some bacon bits

Offer me that breakfast bar

Goodness I am hungry alright

Take me to brunch

I'll slobber like a dog at the sight of your grits

Go ahead and mix in my eggs some bacon bits

Offer me that breakfast bar

Goodness I am hungry alright

I can never wait for mealtime

I'm hungry all the time

Snacks never hold me over

They just make me hungrier

Empty the fridge

What is for dinner

Something meaty for the main course

I could eat a whole horse

What you got in the pantry

I am really starving badly

Need something tasty. And plenty

I'm a hungry man

Take me to lunch

I'll slobber like a dog at the sight of your fries

I'll tell you my order and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that combo meal

Goodness I am hungry alright

Take me to lunch

I'll slobber like a dog at the sight of your fries

I'll tell you my order and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that combo meal

Goodness I am hungry alright

I will fill up my dish

Though it may seem obscene

I will eat every bite

Make sure my plate is all clean

Once it's all gone

And another bite I cannot eat

But I am only human

There's still room for one treat

Oh, oh. After. Meal. Sweet treats

Give me dessert 

I'll slobber like a dog at the sight of your pies

That cake looks really good. Just give me a slice

Offer me it à la mode

Goodness I am hungry alright

Give me dessert 

I'll slobber like a dog at the sight of your pies

That cake looks really good. Just give me a slice

Offer me it à la mode

Goodness I am hungry alrigt

We Are The Crystal Gems Parody - We Are Ambassadors

So I made this parody on the spot the other day as a joke. It's pretty short, but it was quite enjoyable to those who knew what I was referencing. I might come back and expand on it one day, but for now this will do.

I work at Amazon now, at CVG2, and I have a position called a Learning Ambassador. The Learning Ambassadors train new hires on how to do their jobs. When I was selected to be an Ambassador, I was selected with three others: Rachel, Damien, and Roger. One day Roger and I were thinking that a group of Ambassadors should have a name. Like a group of crows is a murder, or how a group of rhinos are called a crash. So after much deliberation, we decided that a group of three or more Ambassadors should be called a "Bumble." Management loved our idea. I was bored, just hanging out and talking with Roger and Damien, and this just came out.

Original: We are the Crystal Gems from Steven Universe
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiHavtKvBCg

We are Ambassadors
We'll always teach the way
And we have our Kindles
They tell us what to say
That's why the bumble of CVG2 is
Rachel
Damien
Adam
And Roger!

Save The Last Dance For Me Parody - Children It's Time For Bed

I like to sing to my two children when I'm getting them ready for bed. Unfortunately, due to my work schedule, by the time I pick them up from who's watching them that day and get them home, there is very little time to do things before I get them ready. I feed them dinner almost immediately after arriving home. Then there's about an hour of play time until I start getting them ready; change them, brush their teeth, etc. On bath nights, it's non-stop. My four year old, Jacob, goes to school in the morning at 8. My wife takes him and my 19 month old, Isaac, to school to drop Jacob off while I go to work. So both children need to get up early, and so need to go to bed early. 

Anyway, I sing to them sometimes. And of course I came up with my own lyrics involving their routine using someone else's melody! That's why I'm here, right? Now, while writing this I realized that this parody isn't exactly all that funny. But who says that all parodies have to be, huh?

Original: Save The Last Dance For Me by Michael Buble  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tXUxVWtyaU

Children It's Time For Bed

We can dance
We can sing every night
When the moon is bright
That will be alright.
You can have fun playing with all your toys
While clutching your stuffed animals so tight.

But don't forget that it's supper time
And that you are very hungry.
So children it's time to come and eat.

Oh, I know
That you're energized
From the good times;
You were having fun.
But it's time to wind down
We are going to sleep just like the sun.

But don't forget that you are dirty
Go ahead and laugh while you splash.
So children it's time to take a bath.

Children don't you know I'll care for you?
I'll get you nice and clean and fed
I will be happy to play with you
Until it's time for bed.

We can read
Read a bedtime book
Come and take a look.
You can turn the page.
You're tired. You're rubbing your eyes
At this time it's late for a kid your age.

So don't forget that you're done eating
And who pays your dentist fees.
It's time to brush your teeth.

Oh, I know
That you're energized
From the good times;
You were having fun.
But it's time to wind down
We are going to sleep just like the sun.

So don't forget about your bedtime
And that you must get up early.
So children It's time to go to sleep.

Now don't forget that I'm your daddy
And I love you very much.
Here's a kiss children now it's time for lights off.

Oh, children don't you know how much I love you?
Ooh, I promise you that I will always take care of you.
Here's my last kiss.
Good-night children and sleep tight.

Royals Parody - Winter

I really hate Winter. Don't get me wrong; when it snows, it's beautiful. The air filled with white, and when the ground is covered, it is just a perfect, smooth slate-like canvas of beauty. That's where it stops.

No one likes being cold. I would rather be hot than cold. And everyone says "But in Summer you can only take off so much, but in Winter you just add add add" and so on. NO!! Unless you are two or less feet in front of a fire, you will be cold. In the Summer, get a fan. Jump in a pool, do one-hundred and one other things to get cooled off. It's easy to be cooled off in Summer. It's near impossible to get warm in Winter. So, yeah. There's my argument for one line in my song. But Winter is bad. I have poor blood circulation as it is, so I'm constantly colder than the average person anyway. Add Winter and it's my deathtrap nightmare (wtf?) And it's like it never ends. There are 12 months in the year. Winter takes up 7 to 8 of those months. "Actually, Winter is December 21 to March 21, so it's really only 3 months." SHUT UP! I don't care what the calendar says. When the temperature is freezing, it's Winter. And here in Cincinnati, it's more than half the year. It usually starts in October, and lasts until late April, early May (understanding reasoning for "near last" line). 

Original: Royals by Lorde https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc 

Winter

I really cannot stand this time of year.
When the temperature can drop below zero.
And you see snow flurries in the air.
You look at the ground; all you see is snow.

And pretty soon you're scraping the ice off of your windshield.
Hydroplaning; it is a big deal.
Tell me why some people really love this season.
And just to keep warm you put on layers of your clothes to wear.
Shirts, socks, pants, sweaters, thermal underwear.
What's the point? You're still gonna be chilled to the bone.

Because it is Winter (Winter)
And when the wind blows, it cuts right through your clothes, and gives you a runny nose.
Sit down by the fire (fire)
Try to get warmed up.
But deep down (you know x4) it will never be enough.

You are making steam with your breath.
You will have dry skin, and you will get chapped lips too.
It feels like you're freezing to death.
You shiver and shake, while clenching your jaw and fists.

And pretty soon  the rivers and lakes are all frozen over.
Summer pool party days are all over.
I'll miss those. The heat is always better than the cold.
And it's because it's easier to get cooled off when you are hot.
Everyday is colder than you thought was
Possible. The cold will never give you mercy.

And I really hate Winter (Winter)
It puts up a good fight. Do your best to survive the night when there is no end in your sight.
Throw on some more blankets (blankets)
Conserve your body heat.
Even though (it's clear x4) the Winter will not be beat.

Brrr. Brrr. Brrr-rrr. My lips are frozen to the pole.
Why is it so freaking cold?
Brrr. Brrr. Brrr-rrr. Oh, when will Summer be here?
You got seven months to go my dear.

Oh, I really hate Winter (Winter)
I cannot stand the cold. No matter what I'm told, this grudge I will forever hold.
There's one quick solution (solution)
I will just move away.
I will go (down south x4) and I'll be warm every day.

Lola Parody - Mocha

Who can resist the much desired caffeinated drink of coffee? It wakes us up in the morning and sets us on our way very nicely. The most popular of these drinks is the Mocha Latte Cappuccino. One drop of sugar or two, cream, add any amount of milk, and I ask again: who can resist it? I can. I don't drink coffee and I know nothing about it or how to make it. I'm not even sure what's in a mocha latte cappuccino.

This parody is about my cat Mocha. She is a calico cat with brown fur and a beautiful shade of orange along her back. She looked like a coffee color and we decided to name her Mocha. (Amanda wanted Sage, but our friends on Facebook have spoken).

About halfway through this parody I realized that this is my third song about a cat. Am I the only one who finds that a little strange? None of my other parodies have anything in common other than occasionally having the same artist. Maybe strange is a poor word choice. I'll go with weird, or even kind of cool that three of my songs have a common theme. Perhaps I should post a picture Bailey on that post. By the way, I've gotten over Miharu.

I do want to say just a couple things: Mocha was declawed in only her front paws when we got her. Her previous owners did it to her. Why only her front? Make up a reason and it's right; we have no idea. Also, my son's name is Jacob. Just so you can understand a line better and not wonder who I'm talking about. He's eight months old.

Original: Lola by The Kinks http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVXmMMSo47s

Mocha

We picked her up down at the SPCA
Where the animals have their shots and chips already in.
Yes, it is convenient.
She sat very patiently in her cage
Her name was Peek-a-boo, but with just one look we thought "Mocha."
M-O-C-H and A. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.

Well, I never was a feline guy
But once she sat in my lap I changed my mind
Oh, my Mocha. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.
And I know she can't hurt me with her claws
'Cause she doesn't have any in her front paws
Oh, poor Mocha. That is sad for Mocha.
Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.

Well, we took her home on that same day
She was happy to go away.
She was afraid of both of us at first
Hiding from us was her doing her worst.

It's a lot of fun having her around
But I don't understand why her tail is never down.
Mocha. That's kind of strange Mocha.
Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha
Mocha. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.

She got past her fear.
She made our house home.
She got comfortable.
And she settled in.
She didn't show she would ever leave.

That's just the way it is going to be
And that is just perfectly fine with me
And for Mocha. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.
Mocha went and made herself the queen
She is indeed the queen; the Feline Queen.
Yes, that is Mocha. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.

Well, it is going on two years now
And we really love her and she also loves us.
She even loves Jacob too...
Actually, I'm not sure if that part is true.

Well, I know that sometimes I can be lame
So I decided to give her a middle name.
It is Latte. She is Mocha Latte.
Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.

Mocha. Female cat Mocha.
She's a girl cat Mocha.

Mocha. Calico cat Mocha.
The calico Mocha.

Mocha. She's Mocha Latte H.
Yes, Mocha Latte H.

Mocha. Cannot drink our Mocha.
Do not drink our Mocha.

Mocha. Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.
Mo-mo-mo-mo Mocha.

Paparazzi Parody - Limited Time

Yes, another Gaga parody. Say what you want about her craziness, but I happen to like some of her songs. Restaurants are always having certain specials that everyone must have before they are gone either forever or for a short time. The advertisement always says "For a Limited Time Only." This Parody is dedicated to those deals. These deals help us in all honesty. How would we know it's the Lenten season without the fish deals? How would we know when St. Patrick's day was without the Shamrock Shake?
I do understand why these deals happen. For the most part, it makes the company more money at that time. Everyone (supposedly) loves the McRib and everyone gets it when it comes out. I doubt it would be that popular if it was always offered. That's just one example and one reason, but I do understand, but I like to make fun of things; hence PARODY.

Original: Paparazzi by Lady Gaga http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nIvBI2_hSY

Limited Time

We are the crowd
We're ruh-revolting
You are depriving us
Of some delicious food.

It's very tempting
When they come out our hearts sing.

Got the McRib
The Shamrock Shake
We make a mad rush
For them when they come out.

Let's avoid all this
Let us always have our fix.
I just want to question "why?"

We all love the food
It's unfair we can only have it
For a limited time.
Why are you so shy
Let us have it always and not just
For a limited time.

Promise I'll be kind
I'll still love you
When you are always mine.
You are always famous
I don't want to have to chase you
For a limited time.

The pizza places
Different kinds of pies
What was wrong with before
Why did you have to change?

The Big Italy
Is now just a memory.

Oh, Burger King
What are you doing now
You have the King Deals
They last only one day.

Come on, that is weak
Want it more before next week.
Let's stop all of this madness.

Why do you fix  all your prices
And always change your food
For a limited time?
Did you ever think that we
Wanted it for longer than
For a limited time?

I will fill you in
We always want it
When it leaves we cringe
We don't want to track and follow
Where it is being sold
For a limited time.

Lent time they have all the fish deals
Taco Bell: new item every month
Why don't you ever stay
Pure hatred is the price you pay!

I'm your biggest fan
But I can't go wherever you go
For a limited time.
I don't want to ever lose you
But you always say you're
For a limited time.

I still can't let go
Please tell me
I really just want to know
Why do you make people
Go crazy and sell things only
For a limited time?

Wanted Dead or Alive Parody - Always I am Adam

Have you ever wondered what kind of person I am? Probably not. But I decided to make a parody about myself anyway. My likes, my life, what I've done; basically, a very vague description of who I am. Some things are obvious, others are just weird and might not make any sense to some. But it's all true nevertheless.
Sadly, I do want to explain a couple things. 1st. When I say that I have a son and out of my children he's number one, I don't mean that he's my favorite, I mean that he was my first. I only have one child after all - so far.
2nd. I am bad at shaving everyday, but I slightly exaggerate because I think it's funnier.
Lastly, when I wrote this parody I thought the name of the song was Dead or Alive. In keeping with my "same-syllable-count" title, my parody was going to be I am Adam. When I learned that the song was Wanted Dead or Alive, I changed my title to fit the syllables. So, even though I actually never say it in the song, the title is Always I am Adam. I didn't feel like re-writing anything. I could argue that the end kind of says that I'm always Adam, but make your own decision. It is just a title anyway.

Original: Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oot0GtjQuxQ


Always I am Adam

So this is me
In all of my glory
I'll tell you things
That no one else can see.

I've got my flaws
But I've got all of my highs too
I am the last son
Of Bill and Sue.

I am Adam
I really enjoy acting
With a bass voice
Yes I can sing
Glasses, I'm near-sighted.

Sometimes I shave
Sometimes it's not for days
It's sad to tell the days
By the hair on my face.

The only sisters I have
Are my two in-laws
Running the rides at Kings Island
Was my first job.

I am Adam
I have one child; a son
My children (children)
He's number one
A phone (the sax) I used to play.

Oh, I'm Adam

I am Adam
Eight is my favorite number
Green is my (guess what)
Favorite color.

And it is easy
To sing the alphabet backwards
I don't talk too much
I'm a man of few words.

My hair is brown
My eye color is blue
Everything here is 
One-hundred percent true.

I am Adam
I like making parodies
And maybe (one day)
I'll be known for these.

Oh yes, I am Adam
And I really love my wife
And she loves me (loves me)
Dead or alive.

Yeah, that's right
That is right
Dead or alive.

Say again
One more time
Dead or alive.

No matter what
Whether I am
Dead or alive
I am Adam.